​“Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.” -Mother Teresa

We all go through stretches of life when we are feeling lonely. My most extreme example of this came when I went off to college. I had a close set of friends growing up and was used to not needing to make new ones. When I found myself at college without my support base, I was intimidated and withdrew into my shell. I felt like a fish out of water and was lost as to how to proceed. That freshmen year was one of my toughest in life.

Have you experienced, or are you in, one of those times? It’s not something we talk about much. We feel like others will think we are weak if we admit how we are feeling. So we say we’re “doing alright” or “everything is great” and the truth remains concealed from those who might otherwise help. It begins to look like excessive daydreaming, loss of focus and drive, and disrupted sleep habits. Left to fester, loneliness can turn into depression and lower the long-term quality of our lives. There are ways to combat loneliness and rebuild self-confidence and joy. Here are 4 ways to break free from loneliness.

1. Know you’re not alone.

It’s important to understand that so many others feel just like you. Too often in these moments, we become overly self-critical, starting to believe we are unworthy. We become uncomfortable in our own skin. It’s a good time to work on self-improvement and things we could do better, but it’s more important to focus on what we already do well. Beating ourselves up irrationally will only make the problem worse. Focus on the positive aspects of your life, such as being a loving dad.

2. Initiate with people.

When loneliness starts eroding self-confidence, it’s easy to start isolating from others. Bad idea. It only opens the door for depression to bloom. Keep initiating with people. Devote yourself to serving and impacting the lives of others. Attend small groups at church or a local organization. Be proactive in putting yourself out there.

3. Try something new.

Being open to new things brings rejuvenating experiences, hope, and people into our lives. Perhaps enroll in a class like photography or culinary arts. Maybe join a sports league like bowling or softball. The idea is to engage in new interactions that will create chances for new relationships to develop. Start saying yes when you used to say no when opportunities come your way.

4. Go where the people are.

Accept that invite to dinner. Visit family you haven’t seen in a long time. Connect on social media to both new and old friends. Take a walk in a crowded area and breathe in life. Go to where the people are.

Source: All Pro Dad - ​https://tinyurl.com/2kdczb2c

​After moving into a new house, a friend of mine worked hard to get to know his neighbors. It didn’t take long before he and his wife knew all the adults and kids on their block—all except for one dad. This one particular dad would never play with his kids, engage in conversation, or even make eye contact. He was completely disengaged from the community, but even worse, he was disengaged from his kids.

While it’s easy to see the problems in this situation, there are other common things parents do that are damaging. And sometimes we don’t even realize the harm we are causing. Here are 5 things parents should stop doing.

1. Stop yelling at your kids in public.

Every dad has instances of anger he wishes he could take back. But berating your kids in public is a double-edged sword, combining personal attack with public humiliation.

2. Stop trying to be the “cool dad.”

“Your kids don’t need you to be their pal; they need you to be their parent.”
Your kids don’t need you to be their pal; they need you to be their parent. Don’t try to dress like them or “stalk” them and their friends through excessive or awkward use of social media. Guide them through their experiences, but give them room.

3. Stop allowing them to have or do things that are not age-appropriate.

Life is hard for our kids today. The media bombards them with pressure to grow up too quickly. The world is trying to strip away their innocence. Don’t accelerate them to that point of no return by subjecting them to things they are not ready for, even when they beg you to let them. Just because all the other kids have an iPhone, go to a party, or go on a date doesn’t mean your child should.

4. Stop shielding them from all the consequences of their mistakes or messes.

How to Guarantee Your Teen Learns Nothing from Bad Decisions addressed what happens when you remove the consequences of their poor choices and their responsibility for them. Devastation is ahead for those kids who believe they never have to answer for their actions.

5. Stop living vicariously through them.
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It’s hard enough for your kids to figure out what they like and dislike, what they’re gifted at and not gifted at. Don’t complicate it for them by trying to live your life again through them. Just because you were the star quarterback of your team doesn’t mean your child will be (or will want to be). Help your kids to find their own dreams and pursue them.

Source: All Pro Dad - https://tinyurl.com/3xy9wxc3

Being honest with yourself is important. We tend to think we can only fool others, but as it turns out we can fool ourselves into thinking things that may not even actually be true about oneself. Learning self-honesty is a big step toward gaining clarity, fearlessness, healthier relationships, and more.

1. Envision your future self.

Research shows that many people view their future as a completely distal and different person than their current self. Visualization is a self-help technique that can help you conceptualize what your life may look like in the future.
It is basically a simulation created by your mind, and the more details the better. If your current self is in no way reflecting who you see your future self is, it may be time to explore some changes in your life to reach the truest version of yourself.

2. Be honest with others.

It is probably no shock that the more honest you are in general, the easier it is to stay honest with yourself. Those “little white lies” that are not necessarily harmful and maybe even protect others’ feelings sometimes may add up. If it becomes natural to bluff to others, what are you telling yourself? Even disregarding any religious or moral aspects, this is just another reason to train your mind to be honest the majority of the time.

3. Take time for yourself to reflect.

What is the easiest way to avoid being honest with yourself? Avoiding spending time alone altogether. Alone time and self-reflection are necessary for optimal self-improvement and awareness.
If you are uncomfortable being alone, that may be a sign that you are in fact in the most need of “me time.” Ideally, this time can be advantageous by reflecting on your thoughts and taking an emotional inventory. Many people find it helpful to use a journal or some other creative outlet to reflect on their feelings. It may be an easier way to step away from, and view your thoughts objectively.

4. Notice how you speak to yourself.

An internal dialogue can be a good addition to your thoughts, but it can also be a negative one. The narrative you tell yourself about yourself, can basically translate to how you present yourself to the world. If you are repetitively lying to yourself in your head, likely that lie will become your reality. A common example is, Person A constantly tells themselves he/she is bad at math when confronted with any kind of mathematical problem. Even if in reality, Person A is perfectly average and adequate in mathematical knowledge, that person’s reality becomes that he/she is a person that is and always will be bad at math. The first step in managing your internal dialogue though, is just to notice it and what it is telling you about yourself.

5. Seek help.

Seeking help may mean professional help like a therapist or life coach, or it could simply mean confiding in a close confidant. If you find it strange to ask yourself honest difficult questions, maybe having someone else ask the questions will get you thinking, and then perhaps talking.
A therapist is obviously specially trained to counsel you through self-discovery and possibly uncover what could potentially be holding you back from self-honesty. It is entirely plausible to want to seek therapy but feeling you don’t need it as much as other people need therapy, like after losing a loved one or battling cancer. But in truth, we could almost all use a bit of counseling to help us navigate through life at any time.

​​When my niece was five, my brother became a single dad. The divorce got a little messy at times, and Alan had to make some decisions to make sure he didn’t lose his daughter right along with the marriage. One of Alan’s most important—and most difficult—commitments was to be consistently positive with his daughter’s mom. He chose to speak positively about her, to treat her with kindness and respect, and to always build her up in the presence of their child. He stuck with his plan, with great resolve, even when he knew he wasn’t being afforded the same courtesy in return.

I’m not suggesting my brother did everything right, but I am pointing out that one of the best things he could do for his relationship with his daughter was to treat her mother with consideration, sympathy, thoughtfulness, and support. Let’s not let our ideas about fairness become confused with what is right for our relationships and our children. Here are 5 reasons divorced dads should always take the high road.

“When a dad stops being married, he doesn’t stop being a dad and a role model.”

1. It’s the right thing to do.

When a dad stops being married, he doesn’t stop being a dad and a role model. Regardless of what led to the end of a marriage, we always have the opportunity to treat the mother of our children with kindness and consideration.

2. Our kids are smart enough to figure out the other parent’s faults without our coaching.

If the other parent is being unreasonable or ungracious, that’s something our kids will figure out soon enough. Fostering hostility only hurts our own relationships with our children.

3. Kindness is foundational to healing.

Separation and divorce are always painful, and everyone needs to heal. Our kindness will facilitate our own healing, our kids’ healing, and our former spouse’s healing too.

4. Children learn from our behavior more than from our words.

Watching the way we deal with stress and challenges teaches our children more clearly about doing the right thing than any lecture we could offer.

5. When we put others ahead of ourselves, everyone wins.

We live in a competitive culture. We want there to be winners and losers, and we think we have to be first. “If my ex-spouse looks like a loser, then I look like a winner.” Sorry, but that’s not going to fly. This may be counterintuitive, but everyone looks good if we make our competition look good. Dad looks good if he makes mom look good, even if they’re divorced. Putting others first is the first step to moving forward ourselves.

Source: All Pro Dads - https://tinyurl.com/f4wh7xxh

Raising a child as a single father can feel intimidating. It seems like everywhere you look, there are messages saying how influential a mom is on her kids. It can leave you feeling like you’re not enough on your own.

But I’d argue that not only are you able to raise incredible kids as a single dad, you’re also uniquely positioned to do it. You have opportunities that two-parent families don’t. If you parent with purpose, doing these 7 things, your kids will notice, model your behavior, and grow in incredibleness.

1. Watch your words.

As a single dad, your kids are listening to your voice more than anyone else’s. It can be tempting to speak negatively if you feel like you got the short end of the stick—your wife passed away, your divorce was unwanted, your finances are a burden. But the words you use as you navigate raising a child as a single father will set the stage for how they handle difficult times.

2. Practice forgiveness.

It’s been said, “When we refuse to forgive, it’s like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.” You possess a unique opportunity for your kids not only to hear you practice forgiveness but also to see the transformation that forgiveness can bring.

3. Never stop the conversation.

”If you’re raising a child as a single father, chances are you have a strong bond. You probably have rich and intentional conversations. Make this your thing: You and your kids talk. There’s nothing they can’t come to you about. Start a conversation with your kids that never ends.

4. Be accountable and hold them accountable.

When your kids hear you say, “I knew better and should’ve done this differently,” or “This kind of behavior isn’t how we act in this family,” it communicates that you have standards that everyone is held to. Even though life in your home looks different from another family’s, both Dad and kids are still expected to take responsibility for their actions.

5. Focus on gratitude.

You can probably name a dozen reasons life is tough. But for each of those reasons, you also have a reason to be thankful. “It’s hard paying rent on my own” becomes “Thank you, God, for a warm bed.” And “If I don’t make dinner, it’s not getting made” becomes “I’m so glad we can sit around the table to eat together.” Speak these words out loud and your kids will learn to focus on gratitude, too.

6. Find good mentors.

After my divorce, I moved in with my parents and my sons got to observe married life. Even though they were still young, I am grateful that they got to watch the interaction of a husband and wife. Pick out a few influential people in your child’s life (such as a teacher, coach, aunt, or uncle) and let them know you appreciate the example they’re setting. They might even step up their mentoring game.

7. Show them how to make sacrifices.

“Never give up what you want at the moment for what you want most.” I read that at a meeting 15 years ago and have applied it every day since. You might sacrifice the new shoes you want because you know your son’s feet are growing fast. Maybe you sacrifice getting in the last word with your ex-wife because you want your kids to see what self-control looks like. Help your kids identify what is most important to them—academically, spiritually, socially—and then set an example of sacrifice so they can focus on those priorities.

​Source: All Pro Dads - https://tinyurl.com/y7554btj

What are the things you want your daughter to become? When she is all grown up, there will be a moment when you’ll just know. It happened to me. There is a sudden revelation that goes something like, “Oh my gosh—we really did it. This is a full-grown woman standing here talking to me.”
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When it happens, you’re going to start flashing back through all the phases from diapers to graduations. Everything that happens in those years influences the woman she’ll become—and you’re living those years now, as your daughter grows before your eyes. Here are 5 things you want her to become.

1. Competent

Competence breeds confidence and you want her to possess both of those traits. We know the challenges adulthood will bring, so we want to be sure she’s armed with the necessary skills to make a way for herself. This includes participating in her education and providing extra support when needed, teaching her necessary life skills, and most of all, being present throughout her childhood as a loving role model. She will be prepared for the future with the skills you are teaching her instead of dealing with the frustration of inexperience.

2. Well-Rounded

You want a daughter who achieves in her education, gets along well with family and community, and has a broad array of interests and abilities. You can accomplish this by taking her on varied travels beyond tourist traps, exposing her to the many forms of art and sciences, and via service work in the community. A person who is well-rounded will be a more empathetic and effective adult leader.

3. Self-Aware

Self-awareness is a conscious knowing of personal character strengths and flaws, and being tuned into individual motivations, desires, and abilities. We can cultivate self-awareness in our daughters primarily with consistent and honest feedback—with both praise and correction. The person who lacks self-awareness moves into adulthood unable to accept criticism, which creates unnecessary delays in growth and progress. They might also waste valuable time chasing pursuits for which they aren’t suited. We can further encourage self-awareness by teaching her how to set goals and priorities, practice self-reflection, and keep a daily journal of thoughts and experiences.
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4. Filled With Integrity

Is she who she claims to be? Do her actions back up her words? To help your daughter become an honest person with strong principles and convictions, model what you want her to become. Children absorb what they see in their parents, so when she sees her father, be sure what she is absorbing is a man of honest character who stands on high moral principles.

5. Compassionate

A compassionate person has sympathy and concern for everybody’s lives and not just his or her own. We can develop compassion in daughters by teaching basic manners like saying “please” and “thank you,” modeling acts of kindness, volunteer service, and being emotionally available and comforting. Here is a deeper look into how to raise a compassionate child.

Source: All Pro Dad - https://tinyurl.com/ebn2p85j