"This past week I drove 1,425 miles to attend the memorial service for a dear friend. I would have driven 4,000 if I’d had to—it was that important. During the service, everyone who stood up to speak talked about love, service, generosity, faithfulness, and—most importantly—how those qualities became transformationally evident in the lives my friend had influenced. Family, friends, colleagues, members of the faith community all proved it: Our friend was leaving a legacy.

Later, during the reception, a man sidled up to me and said, “That was so powerful! When I die, I want the same service; the same scripture readings, the same words, the same message.” I turned to him and said, “If you want a great memorial service, first you have to live a great life.” Rather than stumbling through life one bump at a time, think about leaving a legacy today. Here are 5 reasons you need to think ahead." READ MORE

Is showing love without words even possible? You bet. One of my favorite things to do with my youngest daughter is go grocery shopping. I know—weird. But since she was young, she’s always wanted to tag along. Sure, it was often inconvenient to take her with me. After all, it’s more efficient to run to the store and grab what I need without lugging a curious kid along. Yet I just couldn’t say no when she’d look up at me with those big eyes and ask if she could come. Even now, occasionally I’ll poke my head into the living room as my teenage daughter scans TikTok. “Hey kid,” I’ll say. “Want to go to the store with me?”
Regardless of her answer, it’s a little way of saying, “Remember, I love you.” Showing love without words is one of the most important things we can do in our relationships with our daughters. Don’t get me wrong. She needs to hear you say it. But on top of that, she needs to experience it as true in your every interaction. Here are 7 ways to tell your daughter you love her without saying a thing. READ MORE

A movie called Where Hope Grows is about a former major league baseball player and struggling alcoholic named Calvin. He is a single father of a teenage daughter. His daughter, Katie, is consistently disappointed with him because he is more concerned with drinking with his buddies than being there for her. This causes her to turn to her boyfriend for the support she is missing in her dad. Even in his negligence, Calvin sees that the boy his daughter is dating is bad news. When he tries to warn her, even forbid her from seeing him, his words fall on deaf ears. It was a great reminder that if I am not lovingly consistent, faithful, and present, my words to my daughter will suffer the same fate.

A while back, my wife sent me a video text of my daughter. She was wearing a wedding veil and bouquet. She said, “Hello Daddy, welcome to my future.” After I got over the initial heart attack, I thought about her relationships with boys. I want to prepare her the best I can. The greater I model the right things to her, the deeper my words will sink into her heart when giving her boy advice. I want her to be in relationships with boys that treat her well. She needs to be prepared on how to spot the character qualities of these types of boys. With that said, here are my words of wisdom to my daughter about boys." READ MORE

In my last article “Dads’ Guide to Divorce: Step 1 — Clarify Your Vision” we spoke about how when entering into a divorce or beginning life post-divorce many men including myself struggle with clarifying a vision and direction for our lives. That as you sort through the emotions and feelings of divorce it is critical to begin to clarify your vision and direction for your future after divorce. This is important because as men our identity is closely aligned with the vision for our lives. And as part of our masculine makeup, we are wired toward aligning with the vision and direction that we want for our future.
I proposed a two-step process to assist in clarifying your vision and direction by #1: journaling and #2: a contemplative practice. If you haven’t read “Dads’ Guide to Divorce: Step 1-Clarifying Your Vision,” you can do so here. As these steps compound upon each other, I highly suggest stopping now and reading Step 1.
Once we have clarified our vision and direction, it is necessary to begin the process of Strategizing Your Actions. There seems to be much confusion these days around how to set goals and put forth the effort to achieve them. YouTube and self-help books are filled with ideas, tricks, hacks, and a myriad of other advice on how to do so. However, I subscribe to this simple 3-step process: READ MORE

When working with fathers entering into divorce or who have recently divorced there is a 5-step process through which I assist them in identifying and implementing an action plan for their lives. Throughout this Dads Guide to Divorce series I will be sharing this specific process with detailed ways in which you can utilized it in order to achieve an amazing life for you and your children.
Step 1 — Clarify Your Vision and Direction
When entering into divorce or beginning life post divorce many men including myself struggle with clarifying a vision and direction for our lives. Divorce is traumatic and men experience an immense amount of pain and suffering during the process. I know that I did and I want each of you to know that this is common. The feelings and emotions that come up are often overwhelming. The loss of your partner, not seeing your children, future uncertainty, financial fears, etc. are just the tip of the iceberg of a sea of feelings. Allow yourself to experience these emotions and feelings. You are not alone and if you have the means, find a coach or therapist that will assist you with sorting through them. If you don’t have the means find a support or men’s group. READ MORE...

Lately, I’ve noticed a common misconception arising in the work that I do with men, specifically divorced fathers. That is the notion that sacrifice is bad and should be avoided at all costs.

The word sacrifice is defined as…

Sacrifice (verb): to suffer loss of, give up, renounce, injure, or destroy especially for an ideal, belief, or end

Sacrifice has taken on this negative connotation in modern day society. It seems that everywhere we look, we see and hear the same message about getting and having everything that we want and getting it now! READ MORE AT MEDIUM.COM

"A friend of mine recently told me he was getting divorced from his wife of over 20 years. I wasn’t surprised at all. Over the past 5 years, I’ve watched this friend shift his belief system and identity. He’s not the same person he was 5 years ago. He doesn’t want the same things he wanted 5, 10, or 20 years ago. His imagined future self no longer involves him being married to the woman he once believed he would be with forever.

My friend’s choice is his own. My interest as a psychologist is understanding how these things happen.
This article explains how our identity and goals are formed. It also shows how you can intentionally “slow boil” yourself into whoever you want to be. Indeed, we have all slow boiled into the person we are now and are actively slow-boiling into someone.
The question is: Who are you “slow-boiling” into? And are you slow-boiling into the person you really want to be? Eventually, the slow boil becomes a point of no return — and you’re no longer the same person." READ MORE